How to know what you want and need from dating

Many of us go dating in the dark, without a clear picture of what we want, need, deserve or can expect from a romantic relationship. We may be so intent on meeting someone that we override our intuition, ignore red flags and open our hearts to the first person who pays us any attention. When we experience the addictive ‘falling in love’ feeling, it’s easy to think the relationship is part of God’s plan for our lives. But is it?

I know this from experience. In my dating days, I blindly entered relationships, sometimes despite an uneasy feeling in my gut, and I have friends and clients who have done the same in the past. The result? Often an unhealthy relationship that breaks down before it gets started or that lingers well beyond its sell-by date, bringing disappointment, heartache and pain.

If our dating needs and wants are not being met, if we’re not being heard or respected, if we’re being rushed or hurried or if we feel uneasy or on edge, I’d venture that God has a different plan for our romantic lives. He’s a good father, after all.

And what would a good father want for his child? What would any good parent want for their offspring? Perhaps you have an adult child who is dating or you know someone younger than you who is looking for love. As a parent, relative, guardian or caring person, what would you want for this person when they enter a romantic relationship?

A parent would want these things for their son or daughter, sure in the knowledge they deserve to be treated in this way. You, as a parent, would want these things for your grown up child or a child you care about. God would want these things for His children. How to know what you want and need from dating - Christian Connection dating adviceTherefore, it’s only right that you should want these things for yourself – kindness, compassion, empathy and understanding; to be heard, seen, accepted and appreciated.

What else do you believe you deserve from a partner? What else do you believe you have the right to expect when you go dating? You could jot down a few things you believe you deserve on a date or in a relationship right now. Keep it broad-brush. Then keep these words nearby and glance at them before you go to meet someone, as a reminder of what you can expect.